Distractions

If you have ever worked in an office you already know how easy it is to get bored. There is virtually no escaping the overwhelming urge to take a nap right at your desk or to take 30 minute bathroom breaks. Fear not, friends, for there are many ways to keep yourself entertained that require almost no money and only a little resourcefulness on your part.

Office decorations: For the most part, when you move into a new cubicle or office you will notice that everything is cookie cutter boring and very neutral colored. This is the perfect atmosphere that corporations want to provide for their employees in order to turn them into mindless work drones. A good defensive to this is to decorate your office. Now, my personal favorite is to bring in a can of paint and a roller and go to town on the walls. This would likely work better in an actual office, but I guarantee it'd be funnier in a cubicle. If you fear reprimand from such an action then may I suggest another option. If you have ever entered your supply cabinet you will notice that there are a copious amount of goodies, and most importantly, Post-It Notes. Should you ever want to change your office color, grab a handful of the little pads and go to town. If your boss or co-worker happens to ask what the hell you are doing, just tell them that it keeps them handier so you don't have to go looking for them in your drawer. Or, if you're really worried, you can write your name on each one of them and just tell onlookers that you're labeling your stuff.

Which brings me to my next suggestion...

Stealing: Or rather, misrepresenting. My first idea to end office boredom was to go around to all of my co-workers cubicles and offices late at night and grab a handful of family photos off of their desks and put them on mine. The next day they would all come over and I would stare at them blankly like I didn't know what was going on. This, while funny, points an immediate finger at you as the culprit and is thus no good if you are afraid of getting into trouble. An easy solution is to switch all of your co-workers photos with their neighbors and bosses and janitors and whatnot. Throw in one of your own just so you can be part of the mixup. It'll easily take a good hour off of the day.

You can play a similar game with people's lunches. Go into the breakroom and start taking items out of various people's lunch bags. Then put them back in the bags randomly so people get all kinds of crazy food. You'll laugh when you see Manuel, the crazy Hispanic, choke down some of Icqbad's disgusting tofu while Mary is passing out from Manuel's own special hot sauce. Plus, if you see anything particularly delightful, you can eat that yourself without anyone putting the blame on you.

Fun with E-mail: A staple office novelty - the electronic mail message. You'll notice that quite frequently the more important, or rather... FULL-TIME, employees get up from their desks more often to go do important FULL-TIME stuff. Well, to get back at them for thinking they are so important you can easily send out fake e-mail signed by them. Just wait for Kathy, ADV HUMAN RESOURCES REPRESENTATIVE, to get up for one of her many important business meetings where she likely sits there looking important while other people discuss business. Run over to her computer and fire off a quick couple of e-mails to some of her contacts. Make it casual... something about lunch maybe or how their kids are doing... or about that gangbang they had scheduled for later in the day.*** Then run back to your desk and watch the fun unfold as Kathy checks her e-mails later on... and likely some voicemails too. She' probably stomp around demanding to know who was on her computer, but no one will believe her because she's a slut and they like going to the gangbangs.

***Using Outlook, you can also schedule people for random meetings with high level company officials. Always a good idea if you really don't like the person and want to get her both high-level attention and embarassment. Laugh at her when she poops herself, then offer to clean up because you're a good intern.

Timing: You've probably noticed that no one (like your boss) will talk to you for about a half hour until after work starts or a half hour before it ends. There's also about a 2 hour break in the middle of the day where you won't get any phone calls OR visits from co-workers. These are all good times to not be in the office, because no one will notice and you will be that much happier with your life. If you're afraid that people will notice, then you can alter this plan in a couple very successful ways. Instead of leaving altogether, you can go visit one of the actual cool people that work with you during this time (like before lunch). Then, after lunch you can go visit the only other cool person. Usually its acceptable for little visits like these, but it starts to get noticeable if you keep visiting the same person over and over again. Much like a cop, you've got to 'walk a beat' so you aren't talking to the same person over and over again. It'll keep everyone on their toes and use up some much needed time before you can go home and try to remember what keeps the gun out of your mouth and your finger off of the trigger.

Pranks: While some of the previous suggested office distractions may be considered office pranks, they are most definitely NOT. A good office prank requires that someone either become violently ill to the point where they have to leave work in an ambulance or where everyone in the office knows about the prank except the victim so that you can attain maximum embarassment. Some good office pranks are depantsing an unfavored co-worker and then shoving him into a crowded elevator, rubbing poison ivy leaves on the rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom, stealing the power cord to everyone's computer (most won't be able to figure it out), and pulling the fire alarm in the middle of a level 9 wind storm.

*Note, this is not a comprehensive list and will likely be added to over the course of the summer.