Mao

We got Mao about a month ago. He's the coolest motherfucking cat on the planet. The best part: he has two eyes and he won't eat his own vomit. He likes to eat my hand and sleep on my head. He does all of his poopies in the litter box and he likes to feel tall by sitting on top of doors. He terrorizes Kow and eats his bamboo. He's peed on the floor less times than I have, but he goes into super death Destroyer mode more often. At night he plays "let's see how fast I can run down the hallway and bump into loud things." It's a good game, especially while I'm trying to sleep. Mao used to have balls but we took care of that; still, he struts around like he's got the biggest pair in the world.

He's named after the communist ruler of China, and I think that it's appropriate since he rules our house like he pays the rent. He's the best beer pong player out of the 6 of us - even you, Amy. Never mess with Mao, or I'll poop in your bed.